I need him more than he needs me
Thanks to Jane for the inspiration in this post.
As you all know, I am a yayaless Mom eversince Joaquin was born. Its a tough responsibility for me, but it’s our decision not to have a yaya at all , and i dont have any regrets with that . You see, I am with my son at all times. Wherever I go, he needs to be with me. I only left him thrice to my MIL :
1. When Gelo and I watched Spiderman
2. When we watched Harry Potter 5 .. 5 nga ba yung last? haha
3. During my best friends wedding last week.
There was never a time that we got separated the whole night ! As in ako ang hindi makakatulog pag di ko sya katabi. Call me OA but I guess, I am soo glued to my son already that Im having a hard time being away from him. During my 2nd – 4th prenatal check up, Gelo suggested that we just leave Joaqui at home, in the care of my sister , so as to start with the adjustment of being away from each other.. one step at a time.. para hindi naman biglaan. During those times that Im waiting for the OB to arrive, i cant help but think about Joaqui.. is he looking for me? is he crying? .. etc etc.. paranoid talaga. Two weeks ago , my OB had an emergency and we are waiting for 2 1/2 hours already, so Nag walk out na ko! Ayaw ko na maghintay! Hinihintay ako ng anak ko .. LOL! But I was surprised to see Joaqui playing at home when we arrived. All Happy playing with his toys. And he greeted me with a big smile saying , “Mommy, check up doctor ”
My sister told me that the little boy was teary eyed at first, looking for me, but when my sister explained to him that Mommy needs to go to the doctor for a check up, he was able to understand things as if he’s an adult. Haayy mabuti naman kung ganun diba?
So whats bugging me lately? Why Am I crying as i hug him to sleep at night? (syempre , im not showing it to Gelo, baka isipin OA ako paiyak iyak pa!) .. I am too afraid of being separated from him when I give birth. From the time that I’ll be at the Labor Room til im out of the recovery room.. its too impossible not to think of him. like 9 hours maybe? What if il give birth at night.. who will put him to sleep? he will definitely look for me.. or if its during the day.. 9 hours or so would be too long !! Actually, nakaka adjust na ko during the day eh.. but night time? Hay.. drama talaga to..
We are already in the process of taking our first step on adjustment.. like during bedtime. But joaqui would always prefer to sleep with me than my sister. He doesnt wanna be hugged by Gelo too. So im thinking, when can he sleep at other’s arms? When can I adjust to this feeling that one night, i might not be able to put him to sleep anymore ?
Am I being unfair to the 2nd baby ?
So here’s what i told Gelo.. the moment I am rushed to the hospital, Joaqui needs to be with me. And I wanna see him as soon as Im out of the recovery room. Plus, if his pedia will allow (hopefully) , Joaqui will stay at my room too the whole time I am admitted after giving birth. Maybe a little hard for us since I cant move that much yet by that time, but the heck! I wanna be with my son.. kesa naman isip ako ng isip.. better to have him by my side to welcome the new baby. Complete Family talaga kami !
Hay.. every night, i would ask Gelo. “pano pag 2 kids na? so sa gitna nila kong dalawa ?” The new baby will be at our midst (gelo and I) .. coz this is what we did with joaqui. And since Joaqui can sleep even without his dad anymore, having me by his side is enough. So from L-R .. Joaqui , Me , Baby and Gelo.. nice set up ! hahaha.. Of course,we want our 2nd baby to experience co- sleeping too. Yun nga lang, we need a king sized bed 
I still have no regrets of being too attached to my son. Anak ko yan eh. This is our choice. I would rather let him go crazy with me than to a yaya or to someone else. That would hurt me a lot. Its natural for a child to look for his mom . . for now, we are still in the process of adjusting ourselves. Me too needs major adjustments for the new life that we will have by November. Its hard , but im getting there .
Anything for my family..as they always comes first in my list..
hala, during labor na pala iniisip mo haha. advance ka talaga hehe
anyway, ganun siguro tlaga pag di sanay pero in time im sure we’ll get used to it. same goes to the kids. masasanay din sila.
if im attached to sophia as is, feeling ko mas ka pa kay joaqui as yun nga you never had a yaya. but girl, kaya natin yan!
wahhhhh…napaisip tuloy ako bigla Peachy, Same tayo eh, i am never really away from my son for a long time.and di pa ako nka experience sleeping w/o him.EVER.
normal lang yan na fe-feel mong paranoia…sanay ka kase ikaw nagaalaga always;kaya feeling mo bka inadequate ang iba..ahahaha..ganyan ako eh…kung hindi ako ang nag aalaga or pag wala ako, hala isip2 kaagad.
but yah,unfair naman sa 2nd baby. besides,Joaqui is a smart boy; he will understand na he’s a big boy na & kuya na.
mukhang mahirap yata kung 4 kyo sa bed??
why don’t u try letting him sleep on his own bed but still in ur room?
para pag dating ni baby sanay na sha…dba?
It is entirely different when you have two kids na. But the same great thing is that you are the best mom in their eyes to both of them. I am very sure you will get by. Moms know best what to do and how to handle it. I don’t know also before how I managed it considering na magkasunod lang talaga ng age si Margaux and Bianca, 1.5 months lang difference. (although I have yayas to assist me. Thank God for them actually!) I always feel that no matter how hard would it be, we are their mothers and that is something no one can take away. Super nakakapagod but it’s all worth it. And as I always say, you will be suprised that you entirely do not need to divide your love to joaqui and the new baby, but instead you heart will be full, you’ll be amazed that you are multiplying your love.
Try to immerse and explain to joaqui clearly the coming of the new baby. Thats what we did with margaux. At first, we were so concerned that she wnt understand and would demand more attention but we are so happy and proud to say that she loves Bianca the very first day she realized that she’s going to have a sister. They do quarrel over toys sometime but I think as to what I am seeing, they are going to be great buddies as they grow. I’m one happy mom about it. I’m sure magiging ganun din your kids.
thanks for the reply jane
cguro its natural for us to worry over things now that we are having our 2nd babies. but like what you’ve said, kaya natin to .. good luck to us.
hirap din van pag ikaw talga sanay mag alaga diba.. its true , parang inadequate yung alaga ng iba.. baka di masundan to ng tingin at kung ano na mangyari haha paranoid talga ko .. but thanks for the kind words.. i know joaqui will understand things sooner , since it is getting visible that im pregnant, dati ksi wala naman sya makita sa tummy ko . now he says “i love u baby” . and im calling him Kuya na para he’ll get used to it. im planning to put him to sleep first then i transfer n lng namin sa ibang bed later on.. a better way to start. thanks again!
buti nag reply ka na jody..a ctually like ko talga kayo i ask eh sa july 5.. hehehe i know i’ll be enlightened with your answers since u have 2 kids already plus the age gap is not too far apart, just like mine. Thanks thanks for the reply talga. You gave me an assurance that its normal to worry at the start , but its just a phase and everything will fall into its perfect place when the 2nd baby arrives.
” And as I always say, you will be suprised that you entirely do not need to divide your love to joaqui and the new baby, but instead you heart will be full, you’ll be amazed that you are multiplying your love. ”
ayan tinamaan na ko jan.. now i cant wait to have 2 kids.. i know il feel ecstatic experiencing that kind of love.. thanks girl~
mare. feel na feel ko ang post mo. ganyang ganyan ako ke sandy, 2 hrs pa lang nagmamadali na umuwi baka kasi kailangan nya na ko. yun pala hindi nya ko hinahanap bwahaha
i think what you can do is make sure that gelo will stay with joaqui while you’re giving birth. at least mas payapa ang loob mo at si daddy ang kasama nya. and sanayin mo na rin na wala ka paminsan minsan (nagsalita ang magaling eh no?). goodluck peachy it will come naturally
. parang ganito yan eh: when we married our husbands, we thought we’d never love anyone as much as we love them. nung dumating ang baby, di ba minahal din natin at higit pa. now, pagdating ni baby #2, i’m sure you’ll love him / her as much as you loved joaqui.
btw, girl ba or boy? ok yan king sized bed, kasya kayo dyan hahahaha
thanks for the reply joy
feeling ko nga minsan OA lang ako na he always needs me , but the fact is, he is happy to be with some people in our house din. Funny lng pag worried na ko tapos di pala ko hinahanap! Pahiya ako LOL.
Oo nga, gelo needs to be with him the whole time im giving birth. Sana pag nanganak ako , wala sa ofc si Gelo, Laguna pa ksi sya work. when I gave birth to Joaqui, nasa labor room na ko when he arrived, na trafic pa hehe.. oh and i like ur analogy. true.. ibang level ang love for kids talaga. kaya ko matulog without gelo hahaha.
ultrasound ko na by July, and like what Kathy suggested, contest ito jung girl or boy! Shucks! Wala pa nga kmi name hahaha